Baby, Revisted
So despite the fact that I have written about MANY things on MANY topics, I got more response from the 'baby blog' than all of my others, combined.
So much for using my blog to inform, educate and have public policy discussions.
On top of the comments, I also had several (several) real world discussions as well.
And actually, my husband and I are starting to get a new idea. We are looking into becoming foster parents.
One person suggested I reframe the question, not "do I want a baby" but rather "do I want to be a mom?" And it turned out, my answers are no, and yes.
This year I have acted as something more than a teacher for two young men. Neither of them have been living at home. As I talked to them about their struggles this year, especially that stemmed from their home insecurity, I would think "dangit, if you just lived with me than you would be okay."
After one of them called me at home because of a heartbreak, Gordon got into the act. He declared that I had given the complete wrong advice, that the young man shouldn't have asked a woman, and that he would've said something completely different. I happily got them to talk on the phone (even though my advice was very good - what's wrong with sharing your feelings?).
Gordon was also inspired by a mentor that he had growing up. This mentor had a home that was an open and safe place for young men to hang out. This mentor is still very important to Gordon. (Yay Pete!)
I know about many unofficial foster parents, but probably because of my role as teacher (and because we don't have kids of our own), we would need to get officially certified. (I wouldn't want people to worry about our crediblility as role models)
I have just started the process of talking to people and finding out what we need to do. Apparently there are classes and stuff.
I am of course thinking about these two boys in particular and I want to make sure that they find a safe place to live. I care about them and I would love to have them, but it may not be us.
But I have realized what kind of mother I want to be. I want to be the kind of mother for those kids (teenage boys I think) who do not have a safe place to be. Every kid deserves a safe family. My husband and I (it turns out) were lucky. We had parents that were constant, and committed, and unconditional. But I keep finding out about kids who didn't get that. Good kids who jut need some repair parenting so that they can reach their full potential.
So we will see how this happens. So many stories about foster care are the scary ones that reach the news. And of course being responsible for a teenager all the time (and their reaction to our rules) is going to be different from being a teacher to them, even if I did discipline them in class.
But I know now what feels right. We may make a family. It just will be different from the usual.
So much for using my blog to inform, educate and have public policy discussions.
On top of the comments, I also had several (several) real world discussions as well.
And actually, my husband and I are starting to get a new idea. We are looking into becoming foster parents.
One person suggested I reframe the question, not "do I want a baby" but rather "do I want to be a mom?" And it turned out, my answers are no, and yes.
This year I have acted as something more than a teacher for two young men. Neither of them have been living at home. As I talked to them about their struggles this year, especially that stemmed from their home insecurity, I would think "dangit, if you just lived with me than you would be okay."
After one of them called me at home because of a heartbreak, Gordon got into the act. He declared that I had given the complete wrong advice, that the young man shouldn't have asked a woman, and that he would've said something completely different. I happily got them to talk on the phone (even though my advice was very good - what's wrong with sharing your feelings?).
Gordon was also inspired by a mentor that he had growing up. This mentor had a home that was an open and safe place for young men to hang out. This mentor is still very important to Gordon. (Yay Pete!)
I know about many unofficial foster parents, but probably because of my role as teacher (and because we don't have kids of our own), we would need to get officially certified. (I wouldn't want people to worry about our crediblility as role models)
I have just started the process of talking to people and finding out what we need to do. Apparently there are classes and stuff.
I am of course thinking about these two boys in particular and I want to make sure that they find a safe place to live. I care about them and I would love to have them, but it may not be us.
But I have realized what kind of mother I want to be. I want to be the kind of mother for those kids (teenage boys I think) who do not have a safe place to be. Every kid deserves a safe family. My husband and I (it turns out) were lucky. We had parents that were constant, and committed, and unconditional. But I keep finding out about kids who didn't get that. Good kids who jut need some repair parenting so that they can reach their full potential.
So we will see how this happens. So many stories about foster care are the scary ones that reach the news. And of course being responsible for a teenager all the time (and their reaction to our rules) is going to be different from being a teacher to them, even if I did discipline them in class.
But I know now what feels right. We may make a family. It just will be different from the usual.
posted by Portia | 6/29/2006 04:53:00 PM
3 Comments:
Interesting, you want to be a foster parent. I wish you and Gordon luck with that.
Of course, now that I have a little baby, I wonder if I'd want to put up with the teenager w/out having the joy of having him/her as a baby. :)
And, as much as I'm sure I would have loved an adopted child (we almost went that route, we got our money back from the adoption agency), there is something very special about a baby of your very own.
You see, we get to mess our own kid up, and then fix her. By going the foster-care way, you don't get the joy of messing them up.
Pete as a mentor???
Uh...
Pete's house as a safe place for teenagers?
Uh...
Having spent more time at Pete's than anybody not named Campanella, I think I'm qualified to say...wtf???
Maybe you and I should talk about this sometime. I guess I see that time in our life a little differently than G does.
Babies are good. but they are not for everyone. poop all over the place, non communication, yelling with no words. but the cuteness really does make up for it. but that is not the point. you could be that link for boys to NOT go down the wrong path. it might sound cheesy but you could save them. and there are not many feeling that rival that one.
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