Baby, Revisted

So despite the fact that I have written about MANY things on MANY topics, I got more response from the 'baby blog' than all of my others, combined.

So much for using my blog to inform, educate and have public policy discussions.

On top of the comments, I also had several (several) real world discussions as well.

And actually, my husband and I are starting to get a new idea. We are looking into becoming foster parents.

One person suggested I reframe the question, not "do I want a baby" but rather "do I want to be a mom?" And it turned out, my answers are no, and yes.

This year I have acted as something more than a teacher for two young men. Neither of them have been living at home. As I talked to them about their struggles this year, especially that stemmed from their home insecurity, I would think "dangit, if you just lived with me than you would be okay."

After one of them called me at home because of a heartbreak, Gordon got into the act. He declared that I had given the complete wrong advice, that the young man shouldn't have asked a woman, and that he would've said something completely different. I happily got them to talk on the phone (even though my advice was very good - what's wrong with sharing your feelings?).

Gordon was also inspired by a mentor that he had growing up. This mentor had a home that was an open and safe place for young men to hang out. This mentor is still very important to Gordon. (Yay Pete!)

I know about many unofficial foster parents, but probably because of my role as teacher (and because we don't have kids of our own), we would need to get officially certified. (I wouldn't want people to worry about our crediblility as role models)

I have just started the process of talking to people and finding out what we need to do. Apparently there are classes and stuff.

I am of course thinking about these two boys in particular and I want to make sure that they find a safe place to live. I care about them and I would love to have them, but it may not be us.

But I have realized what kind of mother I want to be. I want to be the kind of mother for those kids (teenage boys I think) who do not have a safe place to be. Every kid deserves a safe family. My husband and I (it turns out) were lucky. We had parents that were constant, and committed, and unconditional. But I keep finding out about kids who didn't get that. Good kids who jut need some repair parenting so that they can reach their full potential.

So we will see how this happens. So many stories about foster care are the scary ones that reach the news. And of course being responsible for a teenager all the time (and their reaction to our rules) is going to be different from being a teacher to them, even if I did discipline them in class.

But I know now what feels right. We may make a family. It just will be different from the usual.

Dirty Little Secrets

Normally I am a nice loving person who cares about the entire world, is socially conscious and recycles. I can get along with many different types of people and can learn from everyone. I read Newsweek and listen to NPR. I take my job seriously and work hard. But deep down, I have these tendencies that aren’t so fabulous.
So these are the things that I try to keep hidden from the world – but I fear that they are not really that secret.

Given any opportunity, I like to perform. Dancing, speaking, being goofy – love it all. I regularly try to remind myself that perhaps people don’t like watching me half as much as I like performing.

Little kids can get on my nerves. They are cute and all – but why can’t they talk? Or read?

My inner fascist would like everyone to have to get a license in order to be a parent. I know it is anti-democratic and elitist of me, but after seeing so many kids struggling to overcome abusive, or neglectful, or crazy parents, I would not have given them the license. But only I should be in charge of this license – because I wouldn’t abuse the privilege.

It’s obvious from the last one that I am arrogant. I learned freshman year in high school that is a good way to lose friends so I have tried to if not overcome it, than at least hide it.

I judge people based on their clothes. It’s superficial – I know.

I have a very low tolerance for stupid adults. If a kid is ignorant – that’s okay – it’s my job to help educate them. And if someone just doesn’t know something but is eager to learn, than I can deal. But people who are stupid and don’t care, or ignorant and love to demonstrate their ignorance, I have no desire to be around.

I like watching TV. And I don’t watch PBS. I like American Idol. And Friends.

I secretly wanted Bill Clinton to be impeached and convicted. I know that having an affair is by no means an impeachable offense, and I do not want to judge my leaders by their private lives, but I was so disappointed in him and other men I knew that they couldn’t keep their vows, I wanted him punished.

I’ve bought People magazine before. Several times. And the 20th Anniversary Special Edition of the Sexiest Man is still sitting on my bedside table.

I love gossiping. I know it’s bad. But any very interesting information about people and relationships I love to pass on. (So have you heard the rumor about Bush and Rice and Laura moving out? http://www.rense.com/general71/hotel.htm)

I loooove shoe shopping. In a weird way.

I share waaay too much about myself. And people I know. In middle school is when my friends became angry about it and I have worked ever since on not telling other people’s business – but it seems really hard to me. And I tend to share even more when I am nervous. Most people really don’t want to hear about my bodily functions.

I like hanging out with teenagers more than adults a lot. Which seems creepy – but it’s not. They are more fun. But both adults and teenagers probably think I am a loser because of it.

I think fart jokes are funny. And I think most poetry is boring. And classical music makes me fall asleep.

So am I an elitist boob or a superficial nitwit or an oversharing attention hog? Oh dear – I am so ashamed.

Don’t tell anyone. :)