Tackle your relatives NOW!!
This summer we worried about my grandmother quite a bit. She had neck surgery at the end of June which led to her getting pneumonia. She became so weak that she couldn't get up to go to the bathroom, let alone cook or anything else. She lives alone, in a house that she moved into 26 years ago with my grandfather.
My mom wore herself out trying to take care of her mom for 4 days. So finally she, with her sister and her aunt, moved my grandmother into an assisted living place nearby for a while until she got her strength back.
She hated it. A lot. They were horrible, they didn't feed her, everything sucked. But they weren't. The family was there everyday - but we didn't have to be there all the time.
We tried to assure her that this was just a temproary situation, but all she wanted was out. Finally after a week and a half, late at night on a Friday, she ran away. She could barely walk with a walker, but she wanted OUT!!
Now she is 84 and still strong and active now that she has recovered. But she may grow weaker, and she may need to be in a place that offers some care. We have now tackled her on this question.
What I was struck by this summer, as I ran into people and talked about the grandmother project, was how universal it is. Parents and grandparents, growing older, with no plan for their care. And when the children try to make those decisions, the parents hate the loss of freedom and control.
No one would like to think that they will someday be in a situation that they can't take care of themselves again. And perhaps you have a spouse to take care of you (like my grandmother did for my grandfather at the end of his life). But so many people don't have someone living with them.
There are options: moving in with a child, assisted living places, adult foster care. Some senior only condos and apartments have facilities inside them. But, if we are lucky enough to live into our 70's, 80's and 90's, we will all need to make a decision about this - or it will be made for us.
So tackle your parents, your grandparents, your friends. It's yucky, but if you make the decision when you still can, then you won't feel so awful when it has to be done and won't spend the time fighting the people who need to take care of you.
My mom wore herself out trying to take care of her mom for 4 days. So finally she, with her sister and her aunt, moved my grandmother into an assisted living place nearby for a while until she got her strength back.
She hated it. A lot. They were horrible, they didn't feed her, everything sucked. But they weren't. The family was there everyday - but we didn't have to be there all the time.
We tried to assure her that this was just a temproary situation, but all she wanted was out. Finally after a week and a half, late at night on a Friday, she ran away. She could barely walk with a walker, but she wanted OUT!!
Now she is 84 and still strong and active now that she has recovered. But she may grow weaker, and she may need to be in a place that offers some care. We have now tackled her on this question.
What I was struck by this summer, as I ran into people and talked about the grandmother project, was how universal it is. Parents and grandparents, growing older, with no plan for their care. And when the children try to make those decisions, the parents hate the loss of freedom and control.
No one would like to think that they will someday be in a situation that they can't take care of themselves again. And perhaps you have a spouse to take care of you (like my grandmother did for my grandfather at the end of his life). But so many people don't have someone living with them.
There are options: moving in with a child, assisted living places, adult foster care. Some senior only condos and apartments have facilities inside them. But, if we are lucky enough to live into our 70's, 80's and 90's, we will all need to make a decision about this - or it will be made for us.
So tackle your parents, your grandparents, your friends. It's yucky, but if you make the decision when you still can, then you won't feel so awful when it has to be done and won't spend the time fighting the people who need to take care of you.
posted by Portia | 10/08/2006 02:12:00 AM
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